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Building Better Relationships with Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.

Episode 223
In this episode, Chad sits down with Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. who is a bestselling author and the son of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. They discuss what he’s learned from reading his father’s works and how he interprets The Four Agreements.

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Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr. is a bestselling author and the son of Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements. In this episode, Chad sat down with Don to discuss what he’s learned from reading his father’s works and how he interprets The Four Agreements.

If you haven’t yet, be sure to pick up a copy of Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements, it’s what we’re basing this week’s theme on and it’s a short, but fantastic, read. If you want further reading on the subject, be sure to grab a copy of Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.’s latest book, The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships.

Have an idea for a future theme week? Let us know on Twitter (@themissionhq), we’re always excited to hear from our listeners.

Show Notes

[6:00] What To Do When Tragedy Strikes

“Heartbreak is the moment when the illusion ends and it really hurts because you wanted that illusion to be real.”

“A moment of clarity without any action is just a thought that passes in the wind. But a moment of clarity followed by action becomes a pivotal moment in our life.”

  • Heartbreak and tragedy can be painful in the moment, but it’s in these moments afterward that we can get a clear image of ourselves. Use this moment of loss as a chance for self-reflection to discover more about yourself and the relationship you have with the world.
  • To paraphrase Don Miguel, ‘hurt is the beginning of any journey.’

[11:30] Don’t Judge Yourself Too Harshly

“The tell-tale sign that we’re using The Four Agreements as an instrument of domestication…is to judge ourselves for taking things personally, to judge ourselves for making an assumption. That’s the tell-tale sign that we’ve corrupted the Four Agreements and turned them into the Four Conditions.”

  • You don’t have to be perfect. Recognizing where you fall short of reaching the ideals set in The Four Agreements is a great place to start. Don Miguel phrases this as a conflict between the Four Agreements and the Four Conditions (which are just the Four Agreements taken as absolute dogma)


[15:00] What Is An Agreement?

“Agreements are the action of saying yes to something. It’s the difference between I want to and I have to.”

“Unconditional love is the willingness to see myself as I am. Conditional love only sees what it wants to see.”

  • Conditions forcibly mold your personality to fit the four agreements. The Four Agreements then become the Four Conditions when you cede control and free-will. Your acceptance of the Four Agreements should be genuine and not treated as absolute dogma. It takes time and patience to adopt them. Your worthiness is not dependent on the Four Agreements.

[21:30] Judgment Shouldn’t Serve As Your Only Motivator

“Judgment is just an instrument to implement domestication.”

  • Judgment should never come into play when you’re learning to implement the Four Agreements. Judging your actions, past or present, will turn any agreement you make into a condition and, eventually, a dogma.

[24:00] Learning To Let Go

“To me, the best way to let go is to forgive.”

  • You can’t move past tragedies in your life until you learn to let them go. Holding onto things that have happened in the past will only poison you in the long run.
  • The first step to learning to let go is an awareness of the toxic baggage you’re holding onto. Remind yourself that life doesn’t exist in the past, it only exists in the here and now.

[32:00] The Value Of Running In Silence

  • Don Miguel mentions in the interview that, to meditate, he runs in total silence. It allows him to slip into a state of calm and mindfulness. This is something we’ve talked about on the show before, using physical movement as meditation. The body was designed to be in motion, and by removing all distractions (like music or TV) you’ll allow yourself to slip into a state of reflection and mindfulness.

[40:00] A Personal Story That Inspired Don Miguel’s Most Recent Book

  • Don Miguel discusses something that happened to him recently that served as an inspiring force behind his most recent book, The Seven Secrets to Healthy, Happy Relationships.
  • He tells the story beautifully himself, so it’s best you listen to the audio for a breakdown of this one.

[48:00] What Is The Toltec Tradition?

  • The Toltec tradition teaches us that your life is like a canvas and you’re the artist holding the brush. You determine what the painting will become. Will you make it a discordant image, or will you embrace a harmonious balancing of tonal elements? It’s up to you, the artist, to decide.

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